if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
