I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
