made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
