I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
