just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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