Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
