The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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