Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
