if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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