I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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