we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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