Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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