Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
