he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
