Pappa wants mamma naked
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
