i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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