when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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