No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
