kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
