I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
