This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
A+ Viking dick
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
