it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
