he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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