It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
