Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
