when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
