You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
