if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
