Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
