i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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