i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
