I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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