Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
