Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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