Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You smell like stripper and shame
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
