and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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