i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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