He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize