don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
