we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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