put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
