You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
