So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
