That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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