so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The uberlube is also flammable
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
