i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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