...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
