i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
