going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
