How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
