Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
