If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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