i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
