I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
