So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
