I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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