i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
