I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
