Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude i'm inner monologue high
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize