Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
