Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
