i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i think i just lost a toe
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
