had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
