all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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