We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
