thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
