today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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