Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
