i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
