just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
