i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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