I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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