Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
