So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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