I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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