I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
