We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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