So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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