she was so not down for the gang bang
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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