Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
