You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
