just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I forgot wine drunk hurts
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
