I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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