do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think your dad took our porno
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
