Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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