captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
