All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Semen is not good for contacts.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
