I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
