i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
