For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
