So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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