I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
