Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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