Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
