My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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