let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
