if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
