Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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